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My Body is Starving

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Today I want to share with you all something that hits close to home. Recently, I have been struggling with some health issues. After much encouragement for my husband, I went to my nurse practitioner who did an entire physical. Turns out, I am fine, except for the fact that I am underweight and malnutritioned.

Have any of you every struggled with being to skinny? While being overweight comes with a lot of issues of its own, being skinny does too. Being underweight and having mild malnutrition explains a lot of what has been happening. Headaches. Anger. Feeling hot and cold. Irritable. My body is in STARVATION mode. Did you know this was possible? I cannot even sleep at night, because my body is working overtime to keep everything else working. That explains my newly brought on insomnia.

I am not trying to be underweight. Have I always been skinny? Yes, but I realized I have been eating less and less. All of these starvation symptoms are making sense now. NO, I do not have an eating disorder. As I am writing this, I can feel my eyes welling up with tears. I know I am being judged for this. I never wanted these issues. I want to be healthy for ME. I want to be healthy enough to have a baby. I didn’t ask to be this small stature and size wise. Why didn’t I go to the doctor or seen the signs sooner? Could this have all been avoided?

My doctor recommended I see a registered dietitian. After much battle with our insurance, they are covering my visits as deemed “medically necessary.” I finally visited with a Registered Dietitian and Nutritionist yesterday, and I am glad I did. She told me all of the things my husband and family have been telling me for quite some time. That I need to EAT MORE FOOD. Don’t mistake this for I don’t eat at all, I do, it’s just not enough. I am picky, and when I don’t want something, I throw it out or give it to my husband.

Malnutrition is a serious thing, and as the dietitian told me, can occur to anyone at anytime. Research the symptoms and make sure you’re eating enough. So many times we ignore our bodies because we are too busy or just don’t feel like eating. We have to keep ourselves, our bodies working at an optimal level if we want to survive.

We sat in a small office for an initial two-hour consultation, and it was much needed. Much to my surprise, I thought I was eating more than I really am. She showed me visually what I thought I was eating. We talked about my lifestyle and work. I admitted to her, that there are days where I do not take a lunch at work and have nothing for the day other than a few small snacks throughout the day and dinner. Do you know what that does to your body? When you don’t eat, you do not have enough FUEL and NUTRIENTS in your body, and when you go days in a row like me, your body engages in starvation mode.

The dietitian then walked me through what I should be eating. Shocker; I am not eating anywhere close to what I should be. We built a plan of the amount of each food group that I should be eating a day, and I feel confident, that with some work, I can achieve the goal we set. I can gain the necessary weight to be “healthier.”

We built a set of goals. My mantra is “Even if you don’t like it, you have to do it.” I don’t eat food because I don’t feel hungry and I don’t like certain items, but that’s where I am wrong. I am hungry, I just didn’t recognize the warning signs until now. Although, now I have a team and a plan in place that is behind me 100%. My husband encourages and pushes me to walk with him thirty minutes every evening. He encourages me to eat real food and not just funyuns. He is my biggest fan. My goal for the next two weeks before our next meeting is to eat more and healthier. I CAN and WILL do it.

I know many of you are probably reading this thinking, “here’s another skinny person talking about her skinny issues,” and that’s okay. Some people will not understand this particular struggle. Some people are going to judge me for talking about this, and I am still okay with that. It is not only overweight people who struggle with these kinds of issues. While some people are trying to lose weight and life a healthier lifestyle, I am in fighting for myself to gain weight healthily. The whole point of this is to realize we all need to eat our meals everyday even when we don’t have time, we have to take care of our bodies because these are the only ones we are going to have until they stop working. If you don’t feel right or know that something is off, get yourself checked out before it is too late.

Every day, every moment, every minute of the day..I am fighting for a healthier me.

Xoxo Kristina

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